Mouth Fulla Platinum

i wonder which one will end up being the gay beastie boy.

Mar 10th

since all of my emotions are eventually distilled into anger anyway, i may as well just skip the...

Mar 9th

it would be hard to tell your children that the easter bunny is actually their alcoholic uncle in a...

Mar 9th

my coworker is kicking the vending machine in order to get his candy bar. apparently it’s also...

Mar 9th

because every girl aspires to be a “wearing shoes that be talking” bitch when she grows...

Mar 9th

satisfaction is successfully convincing someone that benjamin franklin invented crystal light.

Mar 8th

has anyone ever seen madonna and willem dafoe in the same nightmare? no? exactly.

Mar 7th

sometimes all i need to make it through the day is the threat of a headbutt from @gustache....

Mar 7th

as long as you keep bringing whores around, this crack house will never be a crack home.

Mar 7th

apparently it’s national grammar day. is that one of those bullshit holidays like be nice to the...

Mar 5th

yes, condescending windshield repairman, this look of contempt is for you. would you like to see the...

Mar 3rd

happy birthday, @baileygenine! i made a sandwich just for you, but the internet ate it (even the...

Mar 3rd

don’t judge a book by its cover. there may be crack rocks in the hollowed-out center.

Mar 3rd

little known fact about sound: when you are trying to take a nap, the decibel level of wind chimes...

Mar 3rd

bumper stickers are really just tramp stamps for your car (and i sure as hell don’t want “jesus is...

Mar 2nd

pimiento loaf is the culinary equivalent of brett butler’s voice.

Mar 2nd

today could sure use a charles bronson montage backed by the sweet, sweet sounds of biz markie...

Mar 1st