Mouth Fulla Platinum

yes, condescending windshield repairman, this look of contempt is for you. would you like to see the accompanying hand gesture, too?

happy birthday, @baileygenine! i made a sandwich just for you, but the internet ate it (even the crust).

don’t judge a book by its cover. there may be crack rocks in the hollowed-out center.

little known fact about sound: when you are trying to take a nap, the decibel level of wind chimes increases exponentially.

bumper stickers are really just tramp stamps for your car (and i sure as hell don’t want “jesus is coming look busy” directly above my ass).

pimiento loaf is the culinary equivalent of brett butler’s voice.

today could sure use a charles bronson montage backed by the sweet, sweet sounds of biz markie singing “hit me with your best shot.”

canadian mimes? inflatable giant beavers? this can only have one ending.

“compulsory hockey tweet.”

and tomorrow, everyone goes back to acting as though canada doesn’t exist.